Picking the right mental health practitioner for you is really important. And you know a lot more than you think. What you need is permission! You are about brave territories that will be new and uncertain for you. Finding a guide you can trust on a gut-level will make a huge difference. This looks different for different people. When you find someone who sounds good to you, and is available, the first thing I suggest is to have a short consultation to see if they are a good match. I recommend you come up with a list of questions before your first get-to-know meeting. I’ve put some more suggestions below.

Tips on What to Ask:

Think about the reason you are seeking therapy. What are you hoping for? Then try to craft questions that take your own needs seriously.

Is there something that you think is just too silly to ask, but you’d still like to know? Definitely put that on your list! Often things we really care about masquerade as “silly” because they are scary.

What about questions that might be considered impolite or nosy, but really matter to you? This is a good time to find out how your mental health person handles sticky situations. Use tact and be kind, but ask your question. Sometimes the feeling you get from the interaction is more informative than the answer itself. Be brave.

Here’s a good question to ask yourself. “What would help me feel safe?” Did something just come to mind that you hadn’t thought of? See if asking yourself that question shakes something loose for you.

Try pretending you are 5 years old. Pretend you’re not supposed to already know everything. You might end up with questions like: “How long will this take?” “Why do you like IFS?” “What if it doesn’t work?” “How much does this cost?” I’m not saying these are the questions to ask. I’m just encouraging you to let your curious kid in on the discussion.

Then What?

After you meet with someone - write down your impressions. See what your head thinks. How does your gut feel? If it feels right, this is the time to schedule your first session, read and complete their intake paperwork, and get started. If after the consultation you find it’s not totally a “heck yes,” then consider interviewing a second healer so you can compare. If no one fits the bill - hang in there and keep looking!

Caution: Don’t use this process as a way to procrastinate picking someone all together. If someone feels pretty good - give them a try. Most mental health practitioners don’t expect commitments for a given number of sessions.

Seriously - it’s likely none of us were schooled in how to find a mental health professional. But taking this little bit of time to check in with yourself can help you feel more confident, and help you be in the driver’s seat of your own health journey.

What If…?

If you find you’ve picked the wrong person - no harm no foul. It’s OK. This is just “trial and error,” and it happens to the best of us. A healer who’s great for one person, many not work out for another. You can politely terminate the sessions either in person or by email. But then, keep looking! You’ve come so far - don’t let a bad match slow you down!

IMPORTANT NOTE: Check in with yourself. If the real reason you want to stop seeing a mental health professional is because you are starting to get close to something hard - the first thing to do is be kind to yourself. Stay curious about what the concern is. You can ask your healer to slow down, and work together to support your needs and make the situation feel safer. If you have other concerns, do your best to mention them. Then, see how your requests and needs are received. Setting a boundary or stating needs could be your growing edge! There’s a saying - if there’s no discomfort, there’s no change. And if there’s too much discomfort - there’s also no change.

BUT if you don’t feel seen or heard, or you feel disrespected, or that you are wasting your time - move on. This is truly about your needs.

Hopefully you’ll get a great match right off the bat!